SESSION BIG IDEA Any dad can look good on the outside — a solid job, a well-kept home, kids in activities, marriage holding together. But Jesus doesn’t evaluate dads by what’s visible from the street. He looks at the foundation. This session dares you to stop building for appearances and start building for storms — because the storms will come, and the only thing that will hold is a life built on obedience to God’s Word.
📖 KEY SCRIPTURE
Matthew 7:24–25 (NLT) “Anyone who listens to my teaching and follows it is wise, like a person who builds a house on solid rock. Though the rains come in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house, it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.”
Matthew 7:26–27 (NLT) “But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish, like a person who builds a house on sand. When the rains and floods come and the winds beat against that house, it will collapse with a mighty crash.”
James 1:22 (NLT) “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.”
👋 ICEBREAKER / WELCOME (10 minutes)
Start here to warm things up and get guys talking before you go deep.
1. What’s one class or teacher from your school days you actually remember — and why did it stick with you?
2. Be honest: when you scroll social media or look around your neighborhood, what’s the thing other dads have that you most find yourself comparing to?
3. Have you ever built or fixed something that looked terrible but worked perfectly — or something that looked great but totally fell apart? What was it?
✝️ SERMON CONTEXT — Leader Summary
(Read or paraphrase this to orient your group. This is not a transcript — it’s the big thread.)
Pastor Josh opened this week’s installment of the ‘Stories of Jesus’ series by taking us to one of Jesus’s most famous parables — the wise and the foolish builders in Matthew 7:24–27. But before he got into the theology, he told us about his 7th grade science class. The project: build a castle out of newspaper, blue tape, and scissors — then survive a textbook dropped from a chair. The groups who built the most ornate, impressive, tower-filled castles? Completely flattened. The group with the ugly little cylinder-stack that looked like a “newspaper cake”? The textbook bounced right off.
Pastor Josh’s point was clear: the whole time, everyone was watching the wrong thing. They were building for appearance. They were building to look impressive. But the assignment had never been about how good it looked — it was about whether it could take a hit.
He then walked us through what the wise builder and the foolish builder actually had in common: both heard Jesus’s teaching, both built something that looked good, and both faced the exact same storm. The difference wasn’t knowledge — the foolish builder wasn’t ignorant. The difference was that one builder obeyed what he heard and the other simply filed it away. Jesus put it plainly: the only firm foundation for any life is active, ongoing obedience to His Word.
He closed with a word of grace: the invitation isn’t to try harder on your own. It’s to surrender more — to partner with the Holy Spirit and let Him give you the strength to stand in moments when you’d otherwise collapse.
✝️ KEY POINTS — As Fatherhood Principles
Point 1: Knowing the right things doesn’t make you the right dad. Matthew 7:26 — “But anyone who hears my teaching and doesn’t obey it is foolish…” Dad Application: You probably know more about being a good father than you’re actually living out. You’ve heard the sermons. You follow the parenting accounts. You know you should be more present, pray with your kids, show up for your wife the way she actually needs — not just the way that comes naturally to you. But knowing it and doing it are two wildly different things — and your kids don’t experience what’s in your head. They experience what you do with your Tuesday evening, what you say when you’re tired, how you treat their mom after a hard day. The gap between what you know and how you live is exactly where your kids are paying the most attention. This week, don’t aim to learn something new. Aim to close the gap on something you already know.
Point 2: Your family can’t see your foundation — but the storms will reveal it. Matthew 7:24–25 — “…it won’t collapse because it is built on bedrock.” Dad Application: Nobody sees the foundation. Your neighbors see your lawn. Your coworkers see your confidence. Your kids see your smile at breakfast. But when the storm arrives — a job loss, a health scare, a season of real marital tension, a kid in crisis — everything above the surface gets stress-tested. What’s below the surface is what determines whether your family still has a steady dad when everything else feels unsteady. The question isn’t ‘do I look like a good dad?’ The question is: ‘am I building the kind of foundation that will hold when things get hard?’ Your family needs a dad who is strong where it counts — underneath.
Point 3: Every dad will face the storm — the only variable is what holds. Matthew 7:25 — “Though the rains come in torrents and the floodwaters rise and the winds beat against that house…” Dad Application: There’s a version of faith that sounds like, ‘If I follow Jesus and do the right things, God will protect my family from hard stuff.’ But Jesus blew that up in this parable — both builders got hit by the same storm. Following Jesus isn’t a guarantee that hard things won’t come. It’s a guarantee that you can stand on the other side of them. The storms your family will face — and they will come — will ask one question: ‘Is dad built on something that holds?’ Your faith isn’t just for you. It’s the infrastructure your whole family lives in. Don’t wait for the storm to find out you needed to strengthen it.
Point 4: The assignment was never to build a life that looks impressive — it’s to build one that lasts. James 1:22 — “But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves.” Dad Application: The world gives you a very specific rubric for what a successful dad looks like: the job, the house, the activities your kids are in, the vacations you can afford, the marriage that looks happy at the Christmas card. None of those things are bad — but if you’re spending all your energy building the appearance of a great family while the actual foundation of your faith, your integrity, your emotional presence, and your spiritual leadership is crumbling underneath — that’s not the assignment. The assignment is to build a family that is rooted in God’s Word. To be a dad whose obedience is more consistent than his image. That’s the kind of dad whose family will still be standing when the textbook drops.
💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS (20–25 minutes)
📚 Opening the Text
Start here — these questions are tied to what Jesus actually said. Any dad can answer them, even if he didn’t hear the sermon.
Q1: In Matthew 7:24–27, Jesus says both builders heard his teaching. Why do you think he made that detail so important? What would have been different if the foolish builder had simply never heard?
Starting Thought: It’d be easier to let the foolish builder off the hook if he was just ignorant — but he wasn’t. He heard the same truth. What does that say about what we’re accountable for?
Q2: Jesus says the only firm foundation is a life of obedience to His Word. In your own words, what’s the difference between “knowing” Jesus’s teachings and “obeying” them? Where does that line get crossed?
Starting Thought: Most of us agree with a lot of truth we don’t actually live. What does it look like when knowledge stops short of behavior?
Q3: Jesus doesn’t say the foolish builder’s house looked bad — just that it had the wrong foundation. Why is that detail important? What does that tell us about how we typically measure success?
Starting Thought: If the houses looked the same from the outside, nobody around you can tell the difference between a life built on rock and one built on sand. What kinds of things does that let us hide — sometimes even from ourselves?
👨👧👦 Dad Life Discussion
These are personal. Push into them — this is where the real work happens.
Q4: Pastor Josh talked about the science class — how the ugly newspaper-cylinder castle was boring to look at but built to survive. What’s one area of your fatherhood where you’ve been building for “curb appeal” instead of real strength?
Starting Thought: Think about where you put the most energy as a dad. Is it the stuff that’s visible to others — or the stuff that actually holds your family together when things get hard?
Q5: If a major storm hit your family tomorrow — a diagnosis, a financial hit, a relational crisis — what area of your life do you think would be most exposed? Where do you know the foundation isn’t as solid as it needs to be?
Starting Thought: Try going first: “For me, if I’m being honest, the area I’d be most concerned about is ___. What about you?” Modeling that kind of honesty opens the door for everyone else — and it’s often the most important thing a leader can do.
Q6: Where is the biggest gap right now between what you know to be true as a husband and dad — and how you’re actually living? What’s one thing that needs to move from “I know that” to “I do that”?
Starting Thought: We’re not looking for confessions here — just honest self-awareness. Remind the group: what you do flows from who you’re becoming, not the other way around. The goal is naming one thing to move toward — not cataloguing everything that’s wrong.
Q7: Pastor Josh closed with a challenge to surrender more rather than try harder. For you personally, what does “surrendering more” look like as a dad this week? What would you have to let go of or stop white-knuckling on your own?
Starting Thought: There’s a big difference between resolving to do better and actually partnering with God to let Him change you. What does the second one actually look like in the day-to-day life of a dad?
🔑 KEY TAKEAWAYS
Four truths a dad can walk out the door carrying.
Information ≠ Transformation Hearing a sermon, reading a Bible verse, or nodding along in small group doesn’t make you a better dad. What makes you a better dad is closing the gap between what you know and what you do. Spiritual maturity isn’t measured by what’s in your head — it’s measured by what shows up in your home.
Curb Appeal Is Not the Assignment The world grades you on what it can see. Jesus evaluates what’s underneath. A life that looks successful from the outside — good job, nice home, happy Instagram — can be sitting on a foundation that won’t hold when things get hard. Stop building for the audience. Start building for the storm.
Every Dad Gets a Storm Following Jesus is not a storm-prevention plan. It’s a storm-survival plan. The question is not “if” something hard hits your family — it’s “what will be left standing when it does.” The dad who builds on obedience to God’s Word is the one whose family will still be upright on the other side of the hardest seasons.
Surrender More. Strive Less. The invitation at the end of this parable isn’t “try harder.” It’s “surrender more.” A wise builder is not the man who knows the most — he’s the man who obeys the best. And the power to actually obey comes not from grinding it out alone, but from leaning into the Holy Spirit who equips you to do what you couldn’t do on your own.
🛠 PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS (15 minutes)
Five specific, doable things you can do this week. Not vague — real.
Do a Foundation Audit. Set aside 15 minutes this week — alone, no phone — and write down three areas of your life where the foundation feels shaky. Not to beat yourself up. Just to name what you already know. What you name, you can start to address.
Close One Gap with Your Kids. Pick one thing you already know you should be doing as a dad that you haven’t been doing consistently — praying with your kids, putting the phone down at dinner, checking in about what’s actually going on in their world. Do it at least three times this week. Not perfectly — just intentionally.
Have a Real Conversation with Your Person. If your relationship is in a good place, ask your wife this week: “Where do you feel like our foundation as a family is strongest right now? And where do you think we need the most work?” Then listen without defending. She probably already knows. If things are strained right now, start smaller — lead with: “Can I share something I heard this week?” and let her set the terms. For single or divorced dads, bring this question to a trusted friend or family member instead.
Identify and Shrink a “Looks Good, Feels Hollow” Area. Think about where you’re putting the most energy as a dad right now. Is it building something that genuinely matters — or mostly something that looks good to others? Redirect even 20% of that energy toward something that builds real depth.
Pray the Specific Prayer. At some point this week, pray this specific thing: “Holy Spirit, show me the gap between what I know and how I’m actually living. I don’t want to just hear Your Word — I want to build my life on it. Help me obey more than I understand.” Then sit quietly for two minutes and listen.
🎯 DAD CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK
THE FOUNDATION CONVERSATIONWhat it is: This week, have a genuine conversation with your kids — at dinner, bedtime, driving to practice — about what it means to build your life on something that holds. Don’t make it a lecture. Make it a question. Why it matters: Your kids are watching everything — but they’re only shaped by what you talk about and model. If you want them to build their lives on something that lasts, they need to hear you say that out loud and see you actually living it out. This is a seed moment. Simple script to use: At dinner or bedtime this week, say something like: “Hey, we heard something at church this week about making sure you’re building your life on something that’s going to hold up when things get hard. I’ve been thinking about that for our family. What do you think — what are the most important things to build your life on?” For younger kids: Try “What’s something you want to be really good at when you grow up?” and work toward the deeper question from there. For teens: Try asking it about someone they respect: “What do you think makes [that person] who they are?” It gets there without feeling like a lecture. Let them answer. Then share yours. That’s the whole challenge — just the conversation.
🙏 CLOSING PRAYER
Father, we come to You tonight as men who have heard a lot of truth — and who know that hearing it isn’t enough. Forgive us for the ways we’ve mistaken information for transformation, and for the energy we’ve poured into building lives that look good from the outside while neglecting the foundation underneath. Tonight, we ask You to close the gap — between what we know and how we live, between the dads we’ve talked about being and the dads our families actually need us to be. Give us the courage to name the weak spots, the humility to surrender the things we’ve been white-knuckling on our own, and the grace to build something that will hold when the storms come. We don’t want impressive — we want lasting. We don’t want curb appeal — we want bedrock. Do that work in us, Lord, not because we’ll try harder, but because we’ll surrender more. Bless these men, their wives, and their kids — and let the faith being built in this room be a foundation that their whole family stands on for generations to come. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
📋 LEADER NOTES
Key Themes to Emphasize
The gap between knowledge and obedience — this is the sermon’s sharpest edge and should be the center of your discussion time.
Building for durability vs. building for appearance — this metaphor lands well with men. Keep coming back to it.
Surrender over striving — end on grace. The goal is not behavior modification; it’s deeper partnership with the Holy Spirit.
Emotional Landmines — Watch For These
The “foundation audit” questions (Q5, Q6) may surface real pain — marriage fractures, faith drift, kids pulling away. Create space. Don’t rush to fix.
Some dads in the room may have recently been through a storm and still feel buried. Acknowledge that a strong foundation doesn’t mean you don’t get hurt — it means you’re still standing. That’s a meaningful distinction for men who feel like they should be doing better than they are.
Practical Application #3 assumes an intact marriage. If there are single, divorced, or separated dads in your group, acknowledge it directly: “If that one doesn’t apply to your situation right now, bring that same vulnerability to a trusted friend or family member this week.” Don’t skip past them.
Comparing to other dads is a real and tender topic. Some guys will laugh it off; others are carrying serious weight around this. Don’t let it stay surface-level if you sense something deeper.
The invitation to “surrender more” may challenge men who define themselves by self-sufficiency. Frame it as strength, not weakness.
Timing Guide
Icebreaker / Welcome — 10 minutes
Sermon Context (leader reads or paraphrases) — 5–7 minutes
Key Points (read and discuss briefly) — 8–10 minutes
Discussion Questions — 20–25 minutes (prioritize Q4, Q5, Q6 if time is tight)
Practical Applications — 5–7 minutes
Dad Challenge + Closing Prayer — 5 minutes
“God doesn’t require perfect dads — He uses faithful ones.”
🔗 RELATED RESOURCES FROM BETHEDADS.COM
Go deeper this week with these posts from BeTheDads.com — each one connects directly to a theme from tonight’s session.
📖 For Discussion Question Q2 & Key Takeaway: “Information ≠ Transformation”Session 6: The Father’s Heart – Moving from Performance to Presence Tackles the gap between knowing truth and actually living it — the heart behind the foolish builder. A perfect companion to tonight’s key point on information vs. transformation. https://bethedads.com/2025/07/session-6-the-fathers-heart-moving-from-performance-to-presence/
📖 For Key Point 2 & Practical Application #1: “Foundation Audit”How to Build a Sacred, Strong Dad Life Every dad is building something. This post unpacks what it means to build with God’s presence in mind — a natural next step after tonight’s sermon on the wise builder. https://bethedads.com/2026/01/how-to-build-a-sacred-strong-dad-life/
📖 For Discussion Question Q7 & Key Takeaway: “Surrender More. Strive Less.”Session 20: Comeback Story – Every Dad Has One Directly addresses the shift from self-reliance to surrender — “the Christian life is not about trying harder, it’s about surrendering deeper.” A great read for the dad who felt convicted tonight. https://bethedads.com/2025/11/session-20-comeback-story-every-dad-has-one/
📖 For Discussion Question Q5 & Dad Challenge of the WeekDads, When Change Is Coming but You Don’t Know What’s Next For dads who feel the storm approaching or are already in one. Encourages shifting from controlling outcomes to trusting God — the real meaning of a life built on the Rock. https://bethedads.com/2025/08/dads-when-change-is-coming-but-you-dont-know-whats-next/
📖 For Practical Application #3 & Key Point 1Overcoming Angst: Fatherhood When You Put God First When a dad is honest about the gap between where he is and where he wants to be as a father, this post gives him practical biblical footholds — especially relevant to the marriage application tonight. https://bethedads.com/2024/08/overcoming-angst-fatherhood-when-you-put-god-first/
Sermon Element
Group Notes Reflection
Symbolism in the Image
The newspaper‑castle story — “That’s not the assignment.”
The session’s Big Idea and Point 4 both echo this: stop building for appearance, start building for storms.
The unfinished foundation behind the dads visually says, “We’re building what lasts, not what looks impressive.”
Information ≠ Transformation — both builders heard Jesus but only one obeyed.
The Key Takeaway and James 1:22 section emphasize obedience over knowledge.
The open Bible on the table and the dads’ posture of listening represent obedience in action — truth moving from head to hands.
Storms reveal the foundation.
Point 3 and the Dad Challenge focus on preparing for storms, not avoiding them.
The soft light and exposed concrete hint that storms will come, but the structure will stand.
Surrender > Striving.
The closing prayer and Key Takeaway 4 repeat this theme.
The warm morning light symbolizes grace — God’s presence empowering obedience rather than self‑effort.
BeTheDads.com | Session 18 | 5/31/2026 sermon — Pastor Josh | Eastridge Church
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