How to Raise Kids Who See Jesus, Not Just Rules

BeTheDads Small Group Session

📖 Session 27 | Series: “I’m Good”

Sermon: Purity with Purpose | Date Preached: September 6, 2026 | Pastor: Josh Jamison

✝️ SESSION BIG IDEA

Holiness is purity with a purpose. It was never meant to be a checklist you use to measure yourself against other dads — it’s an invitation to let God make you into a clearer reflection of Jesus for the people who live under your roof. If you want to raise kids who see Jesus, not just rules, it starts with letting God clean up the mirror of your own life. Your kids don’t need a flawless father; they need a father whose life is a clean enough mirror that they can catch a glimpse of Christ in it, and a father who’s actually available to be used — not just kept looking clean.

📖 KEY SCRIPTURE

1 Peter 1:13-16 (NLT) “So prepare your minds for action and exercise self-control… You must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. For the Scriptures say, ‘You must be holy because I am holy.'”

Ephesians 4:17-32 (paraphrased) Paul calls believers to put off their old, corrupted way of living and instead let the Spirit renew their thoughts and attitudes — putting off lying for truth, stealing for honest generosity, destructive words for encouraging ones, and bitterness and rage for forgiveness and kindness.

Philippians 2:12-13 (NLT) “…work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”

💬 ICEBREAKER / WELCOME (10 minutes)

1. (Fun) In your house, who’s the “cleanliness police” — and does everyone in your family even agree on what “clean” means? Give an example of two totally different standards colliding under your roof.
2. What did “being a good Christian” mean to you growing up? Was holiness ever actually explained to you, or did you just absorb a vibe about the rules?
3. (Bridge) When you hear the word “holy,” what’s your gut reaction — does it feel heavy and unreachable, or does it feel like good news?

📖 SERMON CONTEXT

Pastor Josh opened this week by pointing out that under one roof, in his own house, there are three completely different definitions of “clean” — his wife’s, his own, and his kids’. Nobody’s wrong, exactly, but nobody agrees either. He used that as a picture of what happens in the church: ask a room full of Christians to define “holiness,” and you’ll get a couple hundred different answers. And when everybody’s operating off a different personal standard, holiness stops being about God and starts becoming a scoreboard we use to measure ourselves against each other. For dads, that same confusion can quietly shape how we raise our kids — either handing them a rule book, or actually helping them see Jesus.

To reset that, Josh took the group to 1 Peter 1:13-16, making it clear that holiness is God’s idea before it’s ours — it’s a standard He establishes, not one we invent or earn. Then he moved to Ephesians 4:17-32, where Paul lays out a whole list of “put off, put on” pairs: put off lying, put on truth; put off stealing, put on honest generosity; put off destructive words, put on encouragement; put off bitterness and rage, put on forgiveness and kindness. The word tying it all together is “instead.” Holiness was never just about avoiding what’s wrong — it’s about actively pursuing what’s right.

Josh illustrated this with a story from his own kitchen — the difference between paper plates and fine china. Paper plates get thrown away after one use. Fine china gets carefully hand-washed, stored, and often… never used. It just sits on a shelf looking pretty. His point: a lot of Christians work hard to look “clean” — memorized verses, color-coded Bibles, the right social media filter — but they’re sitting on the shelf, never actually put to use to serve anybody. Purity isn’t the goal. Purity with a purpose is the goal.

He closed by walking through Philippians 2:12-13, showing that holiness is a partnership. There are things only God can do — He supplies the desire and the power to change. But there are things only you can do — showing up, obeying, taking the actual step. The Spirit can convict, but you have to respond. God can give you power over temptation, but you still have to say no. God can prompt forgiveness, but you still have to extend it. God isn’t going to do for you what He’s already equipped you to do yourself. And the more you walk in obedience, the more your desires themselves start to change — not instantly, but incrementally, day by day, step by step.

The message boiled down to three simple statements Josh asked the room to remember: Holiness starts with God. Holiness is more about your yes than your no. Holiness is a partnership.

🛠 KEY POINTS

1. Holiness Starts with God

Scripture: 1 Peter 1:15-16 — “You must be holy because I am holy.”

God’s holiness isn’t something He works toward — it’s who He is. Revelation 4:8 gives us a glimpse of heaven, where the angels never stop declaring:

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.” — Revelation 4:8 (NLT)

That threefold repetition isn’t decorative — it emphasizes the absolute, complete holiness of God. Because God alone is perfectly holy, no effort of yours could ever measure up, and it was never meant to. Yet through Jesus, He gives you a standing of holiness you could never earn on your own and invites you into an ongoing journey of becoming more like Him. Holiness begins with who God is, not with how good you can make yourself.

Josh illustrated this with a mirror: a mirror was never meant to draw attention to itself — its whole purpose is to reflect clearly. Holiness works the same way. You’re not called to live as perfectly as Jesus lived. You’re called to keep the mirror of your heart clear enough that people can see Him reflected through you.

Dad Application: So many of us walk around feeling like we have to earn the right to be called a “good dad” — like if we mess up enough times, we’ve disqualified ourselves. That pressure is exhausting, and your kids can feel it leaking out of you as irritability or distance. Here’s the relief: your worth as a father isn’t built on your performance any more than your holiness is built on your own effort. If you want to raise kids who see Jesus, not just rules, they don’t need you to be perfect first — they need you to be honest. Your kids aren’t expecting perfection either — they can spot a fake from a mile away. What they need is a dad who’s honest when the mirror gets foggy: the dad who says “I lost my temper earlier and that wasn’t okay, will you forgive me?” That kind of honesty is a clearer reflection of Jesus than pretending you never mess up.

2. Holiness Is More About Your Yes Than Your No

Scripture: Ephesians 4:22-24 (NLT) — “Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lustful desires. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God — truly righteous and holy.”

Ephesians 4 spells out exactly what that “instead” looks like: put off lying, put on truth. Put off stealing, put on honest, generous hard work. Put off destructive words, put on words that build others up. Put off bitterness, anger, and harshness, put on forgiveness and kindness. Every “stop” is paired with a “start.” Holiness isn’t only about restraint; it’s about availability — being ready when God says go, give, serve, forgive, sacrifice, encourage, or come alongside someone who’s hurting. Josh’s illustration: fine china isn’t kept in the cabinet to sit untouched — it’s kept clean so it can be used when it matters. Purity was never the finish line. It prepares you to be useful in God’s hands.

Dad Application: It’s easy to measure your walk with God by what you’ve cut out — the shows you don’t watch, the language you’ve cleaned up, the sites you’ve blocked. Those things matter. But don’t stop there. Run the “put off / put on” list through your own house this week: Where have you put off lying but haven’t yet put on full honesty with your wife? Where have you stopped the harsh words but haven’t started the encouraging ones with your kids? Are you available when your kid needs you to drop what you’re doing and just listen? A dad who’s only good at saying “no” to sin but never says “yes” to sacrifice is fine china that never leaves the shelf.

3. Holiness Is a Partnership

Scripture: Philippians 2:12-13 — “work hard… for God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power.”

This isn’t about earning salvation — God’s grace comes first, and your obedience is a response to what He’s already done. God supplies the desire and the power. You supply the obedience and the effort. The Holy Spirit can convict you, but you have to respond. God can give you the power to resist temptation, but you still have to say no. God can lead you toward forgiveness, but you still have to forgive. God can create a hunger for His Word, but you still have to open the Bible. He’s not going to do for you what He’s already equipped you to do yourself — and as obedience becomes a pattern, He begins transforming your desires. Day by day. Step by step.

Dad Application: If you’ve been stuck in the same pattern for years — same argument with your wife, same short fuse with your kids, same private struggle — it might be time to ask honestly: am I waiting on God to change something He’s actually waiting on me to act on? God can give you the power to say no to temptation, but you still have to say it. He can show you what needs to change, but you still have to change it. This isn’t about earning anything from Him. It’s about recognizing that real transformation happens in the obedience, not in the waiting.

💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS (20-25 minutes)

Opening the Text

Q1. Peter says, “You must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy” (1 Peter 1:15). Starting Thought: Peter ties holiness directly to who God is, not to a list of behaviors. What stands out to you about connecting holiness to God’s character instead of a rule book?

Q2. In Ephesians 4:22-24, Paul tells believers to “throw off” the old and “instead” put on the new. Starting Thought: Both a stop and a start are required — not just one. Which one do you tend to focus on more in your own life: cutting things out, or actively pursuing what’s right? Why do you think that is?

Q3. Philippians 2:12-13 says to “work hard” while also trusting that “God is working in you.” Starting Thought: This verse holds two things in tension — your effort and God’s power — without collapsing into either one. In your own words, how would you describe where your responsibility ends and God’s begins?

Dad Life Discussion

Q4. Where in your life right now do you feel the most pressure to perform holiness for your kids or your wife, rather than actually reflect Jesus to them? Starting Thought: Performing looks fine on the outside but is exhausting on the inside — reflecting comes from something real underneath.

Q5. Think about the mirror illustration. What’s fogging up the mirror of your life right now — a habit, a resentment, something you’ve hidden — that your kids might already be sensing, even if they couldn’t name it? Starting Thought: Kids are often more perceptive than we give them credit for, even when they can’t articulate what they’re picking up on.

Q6. The sermon said purity has a purpose — like fine china that’s meant to be used, not just admired. Where are you “sitting on the shelf” right now — staying safe and clean instead of actually being used to serve your family or the people around you? Starting Thought: It’s possible to look like a solid Christian on the outside and never actually put your life to use for anyone.

Q7. What’s one place where you know God has already told you to change, but you’ve been waiting on Him to do the work instead of stepping into obedience yourself? Starting Thought: Sometimes we pray for change while sitting completely still, when the next move was always ours to make.

Q8. When your kids are grown and look back, what do you want them to say they saw reflected in you — on both your best days and your worst ones? Starting Thought: The goal was never a perfect reflection, just an honest and increasingly clear one.

🎯 KEY TAKEAWAYS

Holiness Isn’t a Hierarchy — God never designed holiness to be a way for you to rank yourself above other believers, or above other dads. It’s not a competition. It’s an invitation into relationship with a God who wants your life to reflect His character, full stop.

Your Kids Don’t Need a Perfect Dad, They Need a Clear Mirror — You will never be flawless, and your kids don’t expect you to be. If you want to raise kids who see Jesus and not just a list of rules, what they need is honesty when you get it wrong and a consistent pattern of pointing them back to Jesus, not to yourself.

Purity Has a Purpose — Being “clean” was never the finish line. God cleans you up so He can use you — to serve your wife, your kids, and the people around you. Fine china that never leaves the cabinet has missed the point of being made.

God Supplies the Power; You Supply the Obedience — Real change isn’t something you white-knuckle on your own, and it’s not something you can just wait around for either. It happens in the space where God’s power meets your actual, active obedience.

🛠 PRACTICAL APPLICATIONS (15 minutes)

A quick word before you dive in: these aren’t a checklist to earn God’s approval or prove you’re holy enough. They’re simply what it looks like to say yes this week to a God who’s already given you the desire and the power to move.

1. Name one fog spot. Identify one specific habit, resentment, or hidden area that’s clouding the mirror of your life right now. Bring it honestly to God in prayer this week, and take one concrete action to address it (delete an app, set an accountability filter, call a friend and say it out loud).
2. Ask your wife the hard question. This week, sit down with your wife and ask her directly: “Where do you most need me to actually show up for you right now?” Then follow through and do that specific thing — not a generic gesture, the thing she names.
3. Involve your kids in service, not just cleanup. Choose one act of service this week — helping a neighbor, serving at church, delivering a meal — and bring your kids along with you. Let them see purity being put to use, not just kept clean.
4. Be honest with your kids about your own “instead.” At dinner or bedtime this week, tell your kids one specific thing you’re actively trying to grow in — not a confession for confession’s sake, but a real, age-appropriate example of what “throw off… instead” looks like in your life.
5. Read Ephesians 4:22-24 slowly, out loud, on your own. For each “throw off,” write down one specific “instead” you’re going to pursue in its place. Don’t stop at the stop — finish the sentence.

🎯 DAD CHALLENGE OF THE WEEK: “The China Cabinet Challenge”

What it is: Identify one thing in your life right now that’s clean but unused — a gift, skill, relationship, or opportunity you’ve been keeping safely on the shelf instead of putting to work for your family. This week, take it down and use it.

Why it matters: It’s possible to look like a solid, put-together Christian dad while never actually being used by God to serve anybody. Purity without purpose is just fine china gathering dust. Your family doesn’t need you spotless — they need you available.

Try this at the dinner table:

“Hey guys, I’ve been thinking about something. It’s not enough for me to just try to look like a good Christian — I’ve gotta actually use what God’s given me to take care of you, and to help other people too. This week I want us to _____ together.” (Fill in the blank with your specific act of service from Practical Application #3.)

🙏 CLOSING PRAYER

Jesus, thank You that our standing before You was never something we had to earn — You are the one who makes us holy, and You are the one who called us holy long before we got anything right. Clear the fog from the mirror of our hearts this week, and give us the courage to be honest with our families when we fall short. Give us the desire and the power to say yes to You, not just no to sin — and give us the obedience to actually act when You show us the way forward. Use our lives, not just clean them. We pray Your blessing over every man in this room and over the wives and kids who are waiting for us at home tonight. In Jesus’ name, amen.

🛠 LEADER NOTES

Key themes to emphasize:

• Holiness is grounded in God’s character first — it’s received, not earned. Keep steering the group back to this if the conversation drifts toward performance or self-improvement.
• The “yes” vs. “no” framing (fine china vs. paper plate) is the most memorable hook of the message — lean into it if the group needs a re-anchor point.
• Philippians 2:12-13’s partnership language is nuanced. Make sure the group hears both halves — effort matters, but effort doesn’t earn grace.

What to watch for:

• Some men in the group may carry real shame around past sexual sin, addiction, or a “purity culture” background where holiness was taught as pure rule-following and performance. Be sensitive here — this session can open old wounds if it’s not handled with grace. Redirect toward the “holiness starts with God” point if shame starts to dominate the room.
• Questions 5 and 6 can get personal fast. Don’t force anyone to share more than they’re ready to; a thoughtful silence is okay.
• Be mindful of men in the group who are separated, divorced, or single-parenting — the “ask your wife” application (#2) may not apply directly to everyone. Have a version ready to offer: “If you’re not currently married, who’s a person in your life you can ask that same question to this week?”

Timing guide (60-75 min total):

• Icebreaker: 10 min
• Sermon Context + Key Points: 20-25 min
• Discussion Questions: 20-25 min
• Practical Applications + Dad Challenge: 10-15 min
• Closing Prayer: 2-3 min

Remember: God doesn’t require perfect dads — He uses faithful ones.