BeTheDads Session: Work in Progress

From Private Battles to Public Victory

Session Goal: Help dads embrace their current season as God’s preparation ground, developing the courage, character, and compassion needed to be the dads God created them to be, their wives need them to be, their kids need them to be, and this world needs them to be.

LEADER’S GUIDE

Session Overview (90 Minutes)

Big Idea: Your “now” is preparing you for your “next.” Just like David’s 15-year journey from shepherd to king, God uses our current circumstances—both good and difficult—to develop the courage, character, and compassion we need for what He has ahead.

Materials Needed

Participant handouts (printed for each dad)
Bibles
Pens/pencils
Whiteboard or flip chart (optional)
Sermon video link ready (if showing clip)

Session Outline

5 min – Welcome & Opening Prayer
10 min – Ice Breaker & Check-In
15 min – Teaching: The “Now for Next” Principle
35 min – Discussion: Three Developments (Courage, Character, Compassion)
15 min – Personal Reflection & Application
10 min – Commitment & Closing Prayer

WELCOME & OPENING (5 minutes)

Opening Prayer:
“Father, thank You for bringing us together tonight. We’re all works in progress, and we need Your wisdom to see how You’re using our current circumstances to prepare us for what’s next. Give us open hearts to learn from each other and courage to be honest about where we’re struggling. Help us leave here tonight as better dads, better husbands, and better men who are following You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Set the Tone:

Remind the group this is a safe space
What’s shared here stays here
We’re all learning together—no one has it all figured out

ICE BREAKER & CHECK-IN (10 minutes)

Round the Table Question:
“Share your name and answer this: What’s one thing from your childhood that you did in ‘private’ (maybe in your room, backyard, or garage) that prepared you for something you do now?”

Leader Note: This primes the pump for the “private battles prepare you for public victories” theme. Listen for stories that naturally connect to courage, skill development, or character building.

TEACHING: THE “NOW FOR NEXT” PRINCIPLE (15 minutes)

Scripture Foundation:

Open with 1 Samuel 16:1, 11-13 (David’s anointing)
Then jump to 2 Samuel 5:4-5 (David becomes king at 30)

Key Point 1: God’s Timing Includes Preparation

David was anointed king around age 15
He didn’t become king until age 30
That’s 15 years of preparation between promise and fulfillment
God wasn’t late—He was developing David

Ask the Group:
“How many of us feel like we’re in a waiting season right now? Maybe you know what’s ‘next’ but you’re not there yet? Show of hands.”

Key Point 2: Every Season Has Purpose
Read Romans 8:28 together: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

Emphasize:

“All things” includes the frustrating things
Your current job situation,
Current financial reality,
Current struggles as a dad
God isn’t wasting any of it

Key Point 3: Three Things God Develops in the “Now”

Write on the board (or hold up handout):

COURAGE – Private battles prepare you for public challenges
CHARACTER – Integrity in the waiting defines who you become
COMPASSION – Your struggles today develop your heart for others tomorrow

“Let’s dig into each of these because they’re crucial for being the dads God created us to be.”

DISCUSSION: THREE DEVELOPMENTS (35 minutes total)

PART 1: COURAGE (12 minutes)

Read Together: 1 Samuel 17:34-37

Context: David facing Goliath, but notice what gave him confidence—the private battles with lions and bears that no one else saw.

Discussion Questions:

Q1: “David’s private battles with lions and bears prepared him for his public battle with Goliath. What are some ‘private battles’ you’re facing as a dad that feel insignificant but might be preparing you for something bigger?”

Leader Note: Help them see things like:

Daily patience with toddler tantrums
Choosing kindness when exhausted
Getting up for middle-of-the-night needs
Providing when finances are tight
Staying faithful in small promises

Q2: “Where in your life as a dad do you need more courage right now? Is it having hard conversations with your kids? Standing up for your family? Setting boundaries?”

Leader Note: Let 2-3 dads share. Affirm their honesty.

Real Dad Application:
Read 2 Timothy 1:7: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

“The courage you need for the next challenge is being developed in your current challenge. Every time you choose courage in the small moments—correcting your child even when you’re tired, having the hard conversation with your teenager, standing firm on a family value—you’re building the courage muscle you’ll need for bigger battles ahead.”

Action Challenge:
“This week, identify one area where you need to show courage as a dad. It might be initiating a difficult conversation, setting a boundary, or admitting where you’ve been wrong. Take that courageous step.”

For Deeper Study:
Point dads to the BeTheDads post “Overcoming Angst: Fatherhood when you Put God First” which explores Joshua 1:9 and how to draw strength from God’s presence in parenting challenges.
https://bethedads.com/2024/08/overcoming-angst-fatherhood-when-you-put-god-first/

PART 2: CHARACTER (12 minutes)

Read Together: 1 Samuel 24:4-7

Context: David has the perfect opportunity to kill Saul and take the throne—the very thing God promised him. But he refuses because it would mean forcing his way rather than trusting God’s timing.

Discussion Questions:

Q3: “David could have justified killing Saul—after all, Saul was trying to kill him, and God had already said David would be king. What ‘shortcuts’ are you tempted to take in your life right now that might compromise your character?”

Leader Note: Be vulnerable first. Share your own struggle. Examples:

Cutting corners at work to get ahead
Being less than honest about finances
Letting entertainment choices slide that you wouldn’t want your kids to see
Exaggerating or lying in small ways
Being one person at church, another at home

Q4: “David’s character was tested in how he treated someone who was trying to destroy him. How is your character being tested in your relationships right now—with your wife, your kids, your co-workers?”

Leader Note: Focus on the idea that character is WHO WE ARE when no one else sees. David cut Saul’s robe in private and immediately regretted it.

Real Dad Application:
Read Proverbs 11:3: “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.”

“Your kids are watching how you handle waiting. They’re watching how you treat people who hurt you. They’re watching whether your private life matches your public life. The character you develop in the waiting season is the foundation for the leadership you’ll provide in the next season.”

Connection to Marriage:
“Guys, your wife needs to see this character too. She needs to know that when things are hard, you’re not going to compromise. That when opportunities come to take shortcuts, you’re going to choose integrity. That builds the trust she needs to follow your leadership.”

Action Challenge:
“This week, identify one area where you’re tempted to take a shortcut or compromise. Choose the harder right over the easier wrong. Tell at least one person (accountability partner or your wife) what you’re committing to.”

For Deeper Study:
Recommend the BeTheDads post “Thoughts, Actions, Habits, Character, Destiny!” which breaks down how daily choices shape our character and ultimately our destiny as fathers.
https://bethedads.com/2023/02/thoughts-actions-habits-character-destiny/

PART 3: COMPASSION (11 minutes)

Read Together: 2 Samuel 9:1-7

Context: David is now king. He seeks out Mephibosheth (Jonathan’s son) to show him kindness. This is YEARS after David’s struggles. But his compassion was developed DURING the hard times.

Discussion Questions:

Q5: “David experienced what it was like to be hunted, afraid, and dependent on others’ kindness. How have your own struggles made you more compassionate toward others—especially your kids when they’re struggling?”

Leader Note: Help them connect their pain points to compassion:

If you struggled financially, you understand when kids don’t grasp money
If you struggled with a difficult father, you understand your own dad wounds
If you’ve battled addiction, you have compassion for others who struggle
If you’ve failed publicly, you have grace for others’ failures

Q6: “Mephibosheth had nothing to offer David—in fact, he was from the family that tried to kill David. Why is it significant that David sought HIM out rather than waiting for Mephibosheth to come asking?”

Leader Note: This is huge for dads. We often wait for our kids to come to us. We wait for our wives to ask for help. But compassion is proactive.

Real Dad Application:
Read Colossians 3:12: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

“The struggles you’re facing right now as a dad aren’t just about you. They’re developing compassion in you that your kids desperately need. When your toddler has a meltdown, your teenager makes a terrible choice, or your adult child faces a crisis—the compassion you show will be directly connected to what God is developing in you RIGHT NOW.”

Connection to Kids:
“Your kids don’t need a perfect dad. They need a compassionate one. One who remembers what it’s like to struggle, to fail, to need grace. The hard stuff you’re walking through now is making you that dad.”

Action Challenge:
“This week, proactively show compassion to each of your kids in a specific way. Don’t wait for them to need something—seek them out like David sought out Mephibosheth. Maybe it’s extra patience, a listening ear, or grace for a mistake.”

For Deeper Study:
Two powerful BeTheDads posts connect here:

“Forgiveness: Planting Faith and Reaping Love” – on the transformative power of forgiveness
https://bethedads.com/2024/09/forgiveness-planting-faith-and-reaping-love/
“Father Like The Father – Day 4” – on pursuing our kids with grace like God pursues us
https://bethedads.com/2022/02/father-like-the-father-day-4/

PERSONAL REFLECTION & APPLICATION (15 minutes)

“Take the next 10 minutes with your handout. Work through the personal reflection questions. Be honest with yourself and with God.”

Silent Reflection Time: Let them work through handout questions quietly

Pair Up (5 minutes):
“Now pair up with the guy next to you. Share one thing God is developing in you right now and one specific way you’re going to apply what we talked about tonight.”

COMMITMENT & CLOSING (10 minutes)

Group Discussion:
“Before we close, let’s hear from a few guys. What’s one thing you’re taking away from tonight?”

Memory Verse:
Lead the group in reading Romans 8:28 together one more time.

Call to Action:

“Dads, here’s what I want you to remember this week:

Your ‘now’ is not wasted. God is using it to prepare you.
Courage is built in private. Those small daily choices matter.
Character is proven in waiting. Don’t force what God hasn’t released.
Compassion grows through struggle. Your pain has purpose.

You are a work in progress. And that’s exactly what your kids need to see—a dad who’s becoming more like Jesus every day.”

Closing Prayer:

“Let’s close by praying for each other. I’m going to pray, then we’ll have a few moments for anyone who wants to pray out loud for the group.”

Leader’s Prayer:
“Father, thank You for these men. Thank You that You’re not done with any of us. You’re developing courage in us through the battles we face. You’re building character in us through the waiting. You’re growing compassion in us through the struggles. Help us to be the dads You created us to be—dads our wives can trust, our kids can respect, and our world desperately needs. Give us eyes to see how You’re using our ‘now’ to prepare us for our ‘next.’ In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Before They Leave:

Remind them of next week’s meeting
Encourage them to text at least one other guy from the group this week
Collect any prayer requests

PARTICIPANT HANDOUT

BeTheDads Session: Work in Progress

From Private Battles to Public Victory

Session Goal: Embrace your current season as God’s preparation ground for what’s next.

Big Idea: Your “now” is preparing you for your “next.”

Scripture Foundation

1 Samuel 16:1, 11-13 – David anointed as king (age ~15)
2 Samuel 5:4-5 – David becomes king (age 30)
Gap: 15 years of preparation between promise and fulfillment

Key Verse:

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28

Three Things God Develops in the “Now”

1. COURAGE – Private battles prepare you for public challenges

Scripture: 1 Samuel 17:34-37

David’s confidence against Goliath came from private victories over lions and bears that no one else saw.

Reflection Questions:

What “private battles” are you facing as a dad that feel insignificant but might be preparing you for something bigger?

Where in your life as a dad do you need more courage right now?

Action This Week:
Identify one area where you need to show courage as a dad. Take that courageous step.

My Courage Challenge: __________________

2. CHARACTER – Integrity in the waiting defines who you become

Scripture: 1 Samuel 24:4-7

David refused to kill Saul even when he had the perfect opportunity—he wouldn’t force his way ahead of God’s timing.

Reflection Questions:

What “shortcuts” are you tempted to take right now that might compromise your character?

How is your character being tested in your relationships—with your wife, your kids, your co-workers?

Remember:
Your kids are watching how you handle waiting. They’re watching how you treat people who hurt you. They’re watching whether your private life matches your public life.

Action This Week:
Identify one area where you’re tempted to take a shortcut. Choose the harder right over the easier wrong.

My Character Commitment: __________________

3. COMPASSION – Your struggles develop your heart for others

Scripture: 2 Samuel 9:1-7

Years after becoming king, David sought out Mephibosheth (Jonathan’s son) to show him kindness—compassion born from his own years of struggle.

Reflection Questions:

How have your own struggles made you more compassionate toward others—especially your kids when they’re struggling?

In what ways can you proactively show compassion to your family this week instead of waiting for them to ask?

Action This Week:
Proactively show compassion to each of your kids in a specific way. Seek them out—don’t wait for them to need something.

My Compassion Plan:

For __ (child’s name): __________________
For __ (child’s name): __________________
For __ (child’s name): __________________

Personal Application

Where am I right now in my “now”?

□ In a season of waiting
□ Facing unexpected challenges
□ Struggling financially
□ Dealing with difficult relationships
□ Frustrated with lack of progress
□ Other: ___________________

What is God developing in me through this season?

How can I see my current circumstances as preparation rather than punishment?

Discussion Table

Use this space for notes during group discussion:

Development	What God is Building	How This Helps Me Be the Dad…
COURAGE		God created me to be:

CHARACTER		My wife needs me to be:

COMPASSION		My kids need me to be:

		This world needs me to be:

Memory Verse

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28 (NIV)

This Week’s Commitment

I commit to:

□ Show courage in: _____________________

□ Build character by: _____________________

□ Demonstrate compassion through: _____________________

Accountability Partner: _____________________

Check-in Date: _____________________

Additional Scriptures for Personal Study

On Courage:

Joshua 1:9
Psalm 27:14
2 Timothy 1:7

On Character:

Proverbs 11:3
James 1:2-4
1 Peter 1:6-7

On Compassion:

Colossians 3:12
Ephesians 4:32
Matthew 9:36

Prayer Requests from the Group

Final Thought

You are a work in progress.

David spent 15 years between the pasture and the palace.
Joseph spent 13 years between the pit and the palace.
Moses spent 40 years in the wilderness before leading Israel.

Your waiting isn’t wasted. Your struggles aren’t meaningless.
God is using your “now” to prepare you for your “next.”

Be the dad:

God created you to be
Your wife needs you to be
Your kids need you to be
This world needs you to be

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BeTheDads Session: Work in Progress

From Private Battles to Public Victory