BeTheDads Group Guide
Listening and Doing:
‘Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. ‘
Let’s continue so we not only know the what but also the why and the how:
‘Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls. But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it. If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.’
– James 1:20-27
Scriptural Foundation: James 1:19 teaches, “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry”. Proverbs reinforces this wisdom: answering before hearing is “folly and shame”, while a gentle answer “turns away wrath”. These verses establish that God values patience and attentive listening in speech.
Quick to Listen
📖 Scripture
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” — James 1:19 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- By example show it is better to give than to receive!
https://bethedads.com/2023/07/by-example-show-it-is-better-to-give-than-to-receive/
🧰 Application
- – Make eye contact and set aside distractions during conversations.
- – Practice reflective listening: repeat back or summarize what your wife or children say before responding.
- – Hold back your opinion until the other person finishes.
- – Ask clarifying questions: “Can you help me understand more?”
- – Honor your child’s emotions instead of dismissing them—even if you disagree.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • Why is listening so important in our families?
→ It shows respect and love. When we truly listen, we reflect God’s heart and build trust. - • What gets in the way of being quick to listen?
→ Distractions, pride, or impatience can all interfere. - • How did Jesus model listening in His ministry?
→ Jesus often asked questions and allowed others to speak freely. - • What would change in your family if you consistently listened well?
→ It would build a culture of trust and openness.
🙏 Prayer
Father, help me to be quick to listen, like You. Teach me to slow down, hear with my heart, and give my full attention to my family.
Slow to Speak
📖 Scripture
“Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” — Proverbs 17:28 (NIV)
“The tongue has the power of life and death.” — Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Pure Heart! Are you willing to give your heart?
https://bethedads.com/2023/06/pure-heart-are-you-willing-to-give-your-heart/ - Harmony and Unity: We need to value them highly…
https://bethedads.com/2024/08/harmony-and-unity-we-need-to-value-them-highly-in-how-we-choose-to-live-life/
🧰 Application
- – Slow your reactions—pause before replying.
- – Speak only after understanding the full context.
- – Choose words to build up, not tear down (Ephesians 4:29).
- – Don’t correct or rebuke in anger—wait and pray.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • What happens when we speak too quickly, especially when upset?
→ We may say things we regret and damage trust. - • How can pausing before speaking help relationships?
→ It gives space for thought, empathy, and Spirit-led wisdom. - • Have you experienced healing or hurt through your words?
→ Words have the power to encourage or wound deeply. - • What can you do this week to let God guide your tongue?
→ Pray before responding. Practice silence when unsure.
🙏 Prayer
Lord, put a guard over my lips. Give me wisdom and self-control to speak life and reflect You in every word.
Slow to Anger
📖 Scripture
“…because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” — James 1:20 (NIV)
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” — Proverbs 15:1 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Overcoming Angst: Fatherhood when you Put God First
https://bethedads.com/2024/08/overcoming-angst-fatherhood-when-you-put-god-first/ - Forgiveness: Planting Faith and Reaping Love
https://bethedads.com/2024/09/forgiveness-planting-faith-and-reaping-love/
🧰 Application
- – Recognize your triggers—pray for awareness and healing.
- – Replace angry reactions with patient questions.
- – Walk away temporarily when emotions rise.
- – Choose to forgive quickly and completely (Colossians 3:13).
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • Why does human anger often miss God’s will?
→ It usually stems from pride, hurt, or fear—not righteousness. - • What’s the difference between righteous anger and destructive anger?
→ Righteous anger defends the vulnerable; sinful anger defends ego or control. - • How can you break the anger cycle in your home?
→ Model calm, forgive fast, be transparent when you mess up. - • When has forgiveness helped release your anger?
→ Forgiveness releases the emotional burden and restores peace.
🙏 Prayer
God, make me a dad who is slow to anger. Fill me with peace and patience so I reflect You to my family and glorify You in every response.
The Power of Words
📖 Scripture
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” — Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up…” — Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Who will you serve today?
https://bethedads.com/2023/07/who-will-you-serve-today/
🧰 Application
- – Speak words of life daily—affirm your spouse and children.
- – Eliminate sarcasm, criticism, and careless joking.
- – Ask: ‘Will my words help them grow in Christ?’
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • How have your words impacted your children this week—positively or negatively?
→ They can either empower or crush. Reflect and share. - • How does Ephesians 4:29 challenge your day-to-day talk at home?
→ It forces us to be intentional, not careless, with speech. - • How can words bring healing in conflict?
→ They can disarm anger and open the door to grace.
🙏 Prayer
God, make my tongue a tool for healing and blessing. Let every word point my family to You.
Leading with Gentleness
📖 Scripture
“Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.” — Philippians 4:5 (NIV)
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” — Colossians 3:21 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Make your life an instrument of grace
https://bethedads.com/2023/06/make-your-life-an-instrument-of-grace/
🧰 Application
- – Don’t raise your voice to demand respect—lead with humility and grace.
- – Use your strength to protect, not overpower.
- – Correct children calmly and privately.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • What does gentleness look like in your fathering?
→ It looks like listening, guiding, and disciplining without crushing their spirit. - • How can you correct your kids without discouraging them?
→ Balance truth with love—like Jesus with the woman caught in adultery. - • Where is God calling you to be gentler—in words, tone, or actions?
→ Maybe in discipline, disagreement with your wife, or stress moments.
🙏 Prayer
Lord, give me strength wrapped in gentleness. Help me lead like You—with love and peace.
Reflecting God’s Character in Communication
📖 Scripture
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” — Ephesians 4:2 (NIV)
“The wise in heart are called discerning, and gracious words promote instruction.” — Proverbs 16:21 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- To serve and to save!
https://bethedads.com/2023/08/to-serve-and-to-save/
🧰 Application
- – Let God shape your heart before you shape your words.
- – Practice humility and grace in every exchange—especially under pressure.
- – Show the same kindness to your family that you’d show to a friend or stranger.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • How can our words and tone reflect the character of Christ?
→ By choosing patience, grace, and humility—even when wronged. - • Do you think your family sees God’s love in your communication?
→ Be honest—and invite their feedback this week. - • What one change would help you speak more like Jesus?
→ Maybe pausing, praying first, or softening your delivery.
🙏 Prayer
Father, I want to reflect Your heart in every conversation. Make my communication full of grace and truth like Jesus.
Biblical Reinforcement
📖 Scripture
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” — James 1:19–20 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- The power of God’s Word is transformational!
https://bethedads.com/2023/09/the-power-of-gods-word-is-transformational/
🧰 Application
- – Use Scripture to evaluate your speech and responses.
- – Memorize verses that shape godly communication.
- – Let God’s Word direct your parenting tone and timing.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • How does James 1:19–20 reflect the heart of God?
→ It calls for restraint, compassion, and righteousness. - • Which of the supporting verses challenges or encourages you most?
→ Answers will vary—Proverbs 15:1 or Eph 4:29 often resonate. - • How can we use Scripture to shape how we talk to our wives and children?
→ By letting truth and grace flow from the Word into our hearts and homes.
🙏 Prayer
Lord, help me speak and listen according to Your Word. Teach me to use Scripture to guide every reaction and reflection.
Discussion + Application
📖 Scripture
“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” — James 1:22 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Fatherhood is about love in action!
https://bethedads.com/2023/07/fatherhood-is-about-love-in-action/
🧰 Application
- – Ask your child/spouse: ‘How can I be a better listener?’
- – Fast from interrupting for a day.
- – Before responding, silently pray: ‘Holy Spirit, give me grace.’
- – Commit to one day with no raised voices—only gentle answers.
- – Memorize James 1:19 and Proverbs 15:1 with your kids.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • What does it look like to be ‘quick to listen’ at home?
→ Listening without interrupting. Validating others’ emotions. - • What do you struggle with more: being slow to speak or slow to anger? Why?
→ Let each dad reflect—helps them name growth areas. - • How does the way you respond to conflict reflect God—or not?
→ Responses should mirror grace, truth, and peace. - • What one action can you take this week to live out James 1:19?
→ Examples: Pause before replying. Ask more questions.
🙏 Prayer
Lord, give us courage to live what we believe. Let our faith be seen in how we listen, how we speak, and how we love our families.
Prayer Prompts
📖 Scripture
“Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful.” — Colossians 4:2 (NIV)
🔗 Related Blog Post(s)
- Prayer changes things—especially our hearts!
https://bethedads.com/2023/09/prayer-changes-things-especially-our-hearts/
🧰 Application
- – Pray before reacting in difficult conversations.
- – Write down a prayer for your tongue, ears, and heart.
- – Lead your kids in a prayer asking God to help them listen and speak well.
🗣️ Discussion Questions & Sample Answers
- • How would your family change if you prayed James 1:19 daily?
→ It would invite God’s peace, grace, and wisdom into every interaction. - • Which area do you most need to pray about—listening, speaking, or anger?
→ Each dad will have a different area—identify and act.
🙏 Prayer
Lord, train my heart through prayer. Let my tongue, ears, and actions be shaped by You in every moment.
