How do I forgive my abusive dad? – Day 4

How do I forgive my abusive dad

As I continue to work through the dad devotionals in the order provided by doing a search for dad on, I have come to a blog that I know connects with many men, and yet I know that it isn’t me. With being the dads being about all dads, we need to make sure to not limit the topics to the comfortable or easy topics but dig into topics that can be uncomfortable or even difficult. Today’s devotional I found is titled “How Do I Forgive My Abusive Dad? | Devotional Reading Plan | YouVersion Bible“. It is a 5 day devotional by Pastor Mike Novotny from Time Of Grace Ministry.

The introduction to the devotional from is:

Your dad was abusive. How do you forgive him? How do you heal? This video series answers tough questions about how to forgive your abusive father.

How Do I Forgive My Abusive Dad?

Today’s devotional is connected to these verses of scriptures from God’s Word:

‘Stay away from a fool, for you will not find knowledge on their lips. ‘

Proverbs 14:7

‘“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. ‘

Exodus 20:12

‘For he himself is our peace, who has made the two groups one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, ‘

Ephesians 2:14

God’s Word is amazing and incredible. God’s Word is active and alive. God’s Word can help us be the dads He created, purposed, and planned for us to be no matter what happened to us in our past. Ever heard the saying “birds of a feather flock together”? Today’s first verse from Proverbs warns us to keep an eye on the company we keep because we will find no wisdom in the lips of a fool. We should ask God when we need wisdom like James 1 tells us after reminding us how when we face trials and troubles we should consider them pure joy where it says: “5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” So rather than getting ourselves mixed up with fools, let’s turn to God and ask Him for wisdom for the situation you are in. Let’s be the dads who seek God’s wisdom and then receive it and move forward in it!

Our second verse of the day is one that I grab hold of tightly because I didn’t consider it when I did what I did but have since received and enjoyed the blessings of having been obedient to it. When I was at a crossroads in my career I gave my parents and my in-laws two choices thinking that I was ok with either option but wanted to allow them to get to choose and have a say. I asked them if they thought I should leave the company I was working at or stay with the company but move away from them to a new location and they both said I would be crazy to leave the company and so I started looking for a job at headquarters. About two years after changing jobs and relocating, having plugged into a church what scripture was shared and grabbed hold of my heart and how faithful God is when we are obedient to His commandment and will:

‘“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. ‘

Exodus 20:12

I feel like it was the New Testament version of Ephesians 6:2 that says:

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2“Honor your father and mother” (which is the first commandment with a promise), 3“that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

As the blessings were taking place brought these verses back to me and the reminder of how the decision to relocate took place. Taking my wife and our only child at the time thousands of miles away from them, being the dad who honored not only my mother and father but also my mother-in-law and father-in-law. God provided us with a promise when we honor our father and mother that include things going well and having a long life on the earth. So let’s be the dads that make choices to honor God with obedience to His commandments in order that He will be glorified. Let’s be the dads who live our lives in ways that turn to God for wisdom to lead and guide us when we face choices. Let’s be the dads who decide to follow Jesus in order that we can live under the covering of His love and protection. Let’s be the dads who decide to follow Jesus so that we can leave the legacy of faith and faithfulness to our kids and many generations to come. Let’s be the dads who look to take a stand for unity in health, refusing to cause or create division or hostility. Let’s be the dads who are willing to fight the right fights so that our trust in God is strengthened and shared with the kids, wives, and people in our lives! Let’s be the dads who aren’t willing to give up but rather will fight the fight of perseverance in order to not quit on our kids, our wives, and our community but instead will stand up and move forward for the glory of God by persevering for we know that no matter the trouble or the trials when perseverance finishes its work we will be complete and lacking nothing! Let’s grab hold of today’s verse from Ephesians 2 and receive the peace of God, the peace from God, and the peace with God through our relationship with Jesus who made jews and gentiles one group, destroying the barriers, and taking down the dividing wall of hostility!

Today’s devotional has been provided by Time Of Grace Ministry (more details can be found

Reading through today’s devotional, here are some takeaways for me:
(check out the devotional on your own too to see if you pick up other nuggets, and please share your findings in the comments)

Should I Still Have a Relationship With Him?

  • Ever wondered if you have been abused if you should have a relationship with him?
  • What if you had been abused by your father? Should you have a relationship with him?
  • What if we consider it in relations to what God’s Word says in Exodus 20:12 and Ephesians 6:1-3?
  • When your trust had been broken and they never kept your confidence.
  • The lack of integrity damaged the relationship.
  • Do you go back or do you forgive and just move on.
  • Is it safe to go back? Is it wise to go back? What if it is too painful?
  • The Bible’s answer: maybe but maybe not.
  • Proverbs today says to stay away from a fool.
  • Foolish people are people who sin and don’t really care
  • Their are people who hurt other people and want to do it again.
  • Their are people who mess up but don’t confess and repent.
  • God says it is ok to stay away. You forgive and pray but you can stay away.
  • With you have a relation might compare to hoping into a car with a drunk driver.
  • It’s ok to stay away.
  • The Bible does say to honor your father and mother and that is true but honoring doesn’t mean supporting their foolishness
  • Jesus honored authority but didn’t always do what they asked because they were fools.
  • Scriptures say to stay away from a fool.
  • Don’t be bitter or hate!
  • Staying away from a fool is a godly thing.
  • Should you go back to him? Maybe not or maybe so.
  • What if your dad has changed by the miraculous of God?
  • What if he is aware of his sin and changed his heart?
  • God’s answer may be that you could or should go back – but you need to make sure to have godly and psychological advice before going back though.
  • Jesus forgave everyone to unify everyone.
  • Jesus wanted to take down the hostility and take down the wall to bring unity.
  • Could Jesus work a miracle that makes your dad repent?
  • Could Jesus work a miracle in your heart heart to forgive?
  • In human nature it might seem impossible, shouldn’t happen, but with Jesus through faith could it mean reconciliation is possible?
  • Beware if a fool and consider if he is no longer a fool.

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